Hormonal Guys and Bitchy Girls
by Lazy Chick
Summary: "All right then, what do you want to talk quietly about Oliver?" he asked, raking a hand through his odd purple hair. "Mops!"
1. The Fun Begins

**Disclaimer: **Guess what? I don't Beyblade and therefore, you can't sue me. I also don't own the first 6 chapters or something of this story, glitteredvixon06 does.

. . .

**Title: **Hormonal Guys and Bitchy Girls

**  
Genre: **Humour/Drama

**  
Rating: **T (mild sexual references, mild language…)

**  
Summary: **A new law made by Stanley Dickenson, sees all bladers to unite with their teams by sharing a house. Tala Valkov, shares his house with the other Blitzkrieg Boys as they prepare to overcome the obstacles of life such as love, faith, friendship and the value of teamwork.

. . .

**Chapter One: The Fun Begins…**

A short, red-haired woman walked into the lounge, hands on her hips searching for her son. Sharp, blue eyes darted around the room searching for some sign of her precious red-haired child who she expected would be lying on the couch, hand dangling on the side searching for an empty chips packet. There! Her eyes narrowed. The sloth. As expected, he was lounging on the leather couch, hand hanging off the side moving around searching for the empty chips packet. Shaking her head, she walked over to his side, bent over and picked up the empty packet. He was so predictable.

"Thanks mum," he said looking up at her with piercing, cold blue eyes, "I spent ages looking for it." He added casually. His mother simply glared.

"I didn't do it for you," she snarled looking down at him a dangerous gleam in her eyes, "when are you ever going to do something with your life Tala?" she inquired, throwing her hands up in the air.

Tala sat upright at the mention of his name. Unless she was angry with him, she never called him 'Tala'. She'd call him 'son' or some other sad nickname like, 'wuv-wuv'. Tala loved his mother like any other child but he hated her when she called him 'wuv-wuv'. It was especially embarrassing when his friends were over. God, the humiliation. Tala shivered at the thought. "What is it mum?" Tala asked casually despite the fact she was glaring at him menacingly. "Do you want me to cut back on my junk intake?" He added jokingly.

"No," she responded slowly, "I want you to do something useful with your life. Get a job, marry a beautiful woman and raise a family." She explained pointing her finger at him accusingly.

Tala rolled his eyes. His mother could be so unrealistic at times. "Are you joking?" He asked holding back giggles. "I already have a job." He said.

"I don't think lazing around at home watching t.v all day and flipping through porn magazines is a job." His mother responded sternly. "I'm kicking you out."

Tala waved a hand at her airily. "Please mum, now is not the time for jokes. _Girls of the Playboy Mansion _is on t.v." Tala waited patiently for his mother to move out of the way so he could watch his show in peace. But no, no such luck for him. "Mum…" Tala started now serious, "please move."

His mother sighed. How on earth was he meant to survive out there on his own? "Look Tala, Stanley Dickenson has opened the new highschool, Avalar High just this morning. He is expecting all bladers to attend" she explained, "but there are conditions. Each former captain must move in with his old teammates to learn the merits of teamwork and the value of friendship." _Now, _she whispered mentally to herself, _let's see how he reacts.  
_As expected, Tala lashed out with a mouthful of complaints.

"Go to school? Share a dorm with crappy teammates? With the _Blitzkrieg Boys_?" he shrieked his voice raising an octave higher than usual. Any higher and her eardrums would explode.

She nodded ignoring his outburst. "Correct. The Blitzkreig Boys are wonderful people," she said, "especially Kai." Tala rolled his eyes again.

"Kai is a weird douche bag with a fetish for blue related things, Bryan is a crazy, violent psychopath obsessed with science experiments, Spencer brings a whole new meaning to the term 'stupid' and Ian's just immature and annoying." Tala explained, listing off each person with his fingers. "I don't want to sleep, eat and bond with them."

"Too bad Tala, you're leaving. Now pack your bags and leave." She barked strongly pointing her finger down the hallway. "I don't want to hear any complaints." Tala sighed and picked himself up from the couch and trudged down the hall muttering complaints under his breath. He knew there was no reason to fight with his mother – he'd lose.

…

Tala groaned out aloud as he slowly started packing his stuff into three big, massive suitcases. He hated his life. Honestly. Okay, maybe not his _whole _life but parts of it. Education was such a part. Bonding was also another part he hated, that is unless he was bonding with the opposite gender then everything he hated about bonding faded away from his mind. "What the hell is this?" he muttered to himself picking up a broken photo frame. Casting his eyes down at the object a gasp of surprise and shock escaped his throat. "Why the hell do I have a picture of Boris?" He shook his head sadly. Boris scared the shit out of him. He was one creepy old dude with purple hair and a large, crooked nose who he suspected was a pedophile. "Ah well, something's can't be helped." Tala concluded aloud.

He had heard from various people and self-help books that talking aloud to yourself was a sign of madness. Tala disagreed. Talking aloud helped him ease the pang of loneliness from his system. He didn't think he was crazy. Just unique. A very special individual. Shaking his head he muttered, "no one appreciates individualism these days." Sighing once more, Tala continued to pack his suitcases, humming 'Ice Ice Baby' under his breath.

…

Sighing for the millionth time that very hour, Tala slowly walked up the house he was meant to be living in. He was told by his mother the other team members would be there inside, waiting for him to arrive. Taking in a deep breath, he clenched his hand into a fist and knocked on the wooden door. He could've pressed the doorbell but Tala thought he'd play it old school style.

The door swung open to reveal a male with messy blue hair holding what appeared to be, a knife in his right hand. "Hmph" he commented before moving aside to let Tala in.

"As conversational as always," Tala muttered to himself. "Well, here I am." He announced glancing around the room to scan his dorm mates. Spencer as always, stood tall and broad with a clueless expression on his face whilst Ian looked exceptionally puny next to him. Bryan on the other hand still looked nasty and strong with a bottle of water in his left hand. And Kai? Well, he was now leaning against a wall, arms crossed over his chest just looking at Tala. "Aren't you happy to see me?" Tala asked sarcastically fully aware that no, they were not particularly happy to see him.

"About time you arrived," Kai muttered, "Stanley's here and we wants to speak to us all." He added.

"Oh, so you do speak?" Tala asked faking surprise. Kai in reply, flipped him the finger.

"Where's the old man?" asked Tala looking at Bryan.

"Behind Spencer" the pale, lilac coloured haired teenager replied.

Tala turned to face Spencer. "Stanley? You wish to have a word with us?" he questioned. A stout, short yet round old man stepped out from behind Spencer. "Indeed I do. I want to talk to you about your aims and objectives."

Tala rolled his eyes again. "Great…" he trailed off. "Alright, what is it?"

"Your aim is to bond together with one another and to recognize the value of friendship and the importance of education and the discipline of training." Stanley explained twirling his walking stick around. "As team captain Tala, is it your responsibility to ensure all other team members needs and wants are met. It is your duty Tala, to write down a set of rules your team must abide by and it is also your duty to organize training schedules. At the end of the year we will be hosting yet another Beyblade World Championship." All five members sighed. Not another one. Stanley coughed before continuing. "Tala, you must bring your team together to form an unbreakable bond of friendship" Stanley concluded watching the reactions on the Blitzkrieg Boys faces. "Understoond?" They all nodded. "Excellent. I shall be leaving now." And with that said, he waddled out the door.

After Stanley Dickenson had left the building, Tala turned to face his soon-to-be tight friends. "Well," he started, a smile teasing at the edges of his mouth, "let's start bonding!" he exclaimed enthusiastically.

Kai sighed. "How do you propose we do that?" he asked turning around to face the other four standing nearby. "Spencer's too thick, Ian's too immature and Bryan's just too weird." He explained.

Tala groaned aloud. "You have to make things difficult don't you Kai?" he said dramatically, "let's just start talking about our interests. Better yet, let's discuss what we've done since we last met." He concluded.

Kai rolled his eyes. This was going to be a long, painful afternoon. "Since we last departed, I've been busy caring for my younger brother Jayden. I've also been practicing my martial arts and basketball skills." Kai looked around thoughtfully then added, "and beyblading." He concluded. He turned his fierce gaze on Tala. "What about you Tala?"

Tala arched his head back and looked up at the ceiling pondering an answer. "Beyblading like yourself," he said, "but unlike you I haven't forgotten about the opposite gender." Tala said mockingly. Sure Kai was a good looking bloke but he was clueless around the ladies. That was something he would soon fix. "Don't worry Kai, I'll get you a girl." He grinned at the thought. "Anyway, enough about me, what about you Bryan, you've been quiet. What have you been up to?"

The solid, broad-shouldered Russian teenager simply glared at Tala before replying. "I've been working on numerous experiments." He said bluntly, "and nothing else."

A look of amazement and horror crossed Tala's features. "So…no girlfriends, no partying and no drinking?" Tala said, listing each item one by one on his fingers. "I am so going to fix you up." Tala muttered more to himself. "What about Spencer and Ian?"

"Ian is obsessed with squirrels and climbing trees whilst Spencer is still mastering the English language." Kai offered shooting a glance at the blonde giant. "He is confused very easily," Kai warned, "kinda like a very young child."

_  
Great. _Tala mentally muttered, _just what I need. It's going to be a long year…_

…

The Blitzkrieg Boys were seated at the dinner table, eating their pizza in silence. Kai insisted on eating healthily but Tala scolded him and threatened to lock him outside the house if he dared argue with the captain. Kai amazingly followed Tala's orders and dialed the pizza guy.

Smirking to himself, Tala mentally visualized his rules list.

Rule 1: Do not argue with the captain. What the captain says goes.

Rule 2: Do not mock the captain. If you do, you will find yourself in a position of pain.

Rule 3: Drinking, partying and dating are vital aspects of life.

…and that was all for the time being, but Tala was certain there was more to come in the very near future. "So," Tala said sipping on his Pepsi, "we're not the only ones who have to deal with this shit are we?" he asked his other team members.

Kai groaned. "No Tala, all teams have reunited again. That's the whole purpose."

Tala glared at him. "Rule number 2: Do not mock the captain. If you do, you will find yourself in a position of pain." He warned threateningly. Kai in return simply rolled his eyes at Tala's statement. "And that applies to rest of you." Tala added eyeing Bryan, Spencer and Ian coldly, "I don't want any _funny _shit coming from you. Understand?" he demanded.

Simultaneous groans of, 'yes Tala' were spoken. Tala leaned back on his chair, satisfied. "Excellent…" he cackled manically in his mind. Perhaps this year wouldn't be so bad at all.

…

Tell me what you think and I shall tell the author.


	2. Educate, Entertain, Eliminate

**Disclaimer: **Guess what? I don't Beyblade and therefore, you can't sue me. I also don't own the first 6 chapters or something of this story, glitteredvixon06 does.

. . .

**Title: **Hormonal Guys and Bitchy Girls

**  
Genre: **Humour/Drama

**  
Rating: **T (mild sexual references, mild language…)

**  
Summary: **A new law made by Stanley Dickenson, sees all bladers to unite with their teams by sharing a house. Tala Valkov, shares his house with the other Blitzkrieg Boys as they prepare to overcome the obstacles of life such as love, faith, friendship and the value of teamwork.

**Chapter Two: Educate, Entertain and Eliminate**

Tala strutted over to the toaster, cackling manically to himself like a madman. He had successfully incorporated his love for drinking, partying and porn into the dull lifestyle of the Blitzkrieg Boys over the past few weeks. Although, it wasn't as easy as he had pictured it to be. Tala couldn't understand why any normal teenage male would run away screaming from a porn magazine. But then again, Kai wasn't exactly normal.

"You know what Kai?" Tala asked, waiting for his toast, "you'd look more normal if you removed that blue make-up off your ugly mug." Tala stated seriously, "I mean honestly, do you have any masculine pride?" he demanded. Kai opened his mouth to explain that no, he wasn't wearing make-up; he was in fact wearing war paint. In reply, Tala simply punched him in the nose. Hard. "What do you do in your pathetic life?" Tala questioned, hands on hips armed with a steely gaze.

Clutching a sore nose, Kai replied, "I beyblade and practice my martial art skills." He explained vehemently.

Tala arched his eyebrows in mock confusion. "How boring…hey, you know what Bluie-chan?" he said suddenly.

Kai grit his teeth. "Bluie-chan?"

Tala silenced him with a glare. "Named after Jackie-Chan you sodding git. Now…I've been doing a lot of thinking and I came to the conclusion that you can be Spencer and Ian's' babysitter" concluded Tala.

The grinding of Kai's teeth was almost audible. He was seriously pissed off with Tala now. "Babysitter?" he repeated bluntly.

Tala nodded. "It will be your duty to educate, entertain and eliminate them." Reaching a hand down to scratch his left butt check he added, "Yes, eliminate. Do you have a problem Bluie-Chan?" he asked. Turning back to the toaster, he pulled the lever up to check his toast. "About time." He muttered grabbing the crispy brown bread. "So?"

"Three." Kai stated, raising one finger, "one, how the hell am I meant to educate them? Two," Kai raised another finger. "Entertain? Do I look like a clown to you? And three," he said, raising yet another finger, "Eliminate? Am I meant to kill them after educating and entertaining them?" he asked, agitated. Tala spotted a fat vein throbbing in his forehead. It was quite tempting to poke it but he resisted. Now was not the time.

"Teach them. Teach Spencer how to open the door. Drive Spencer to the 'Get Smart Course 101' and teach Ian wiggling his eyebrows isn't exactly a marvelously feat to achieve building every Friday afternoon." Tala explained. In the same fashion as Kai, he raised two fingers. "If you want to dress up as a clown feel free but I wouldn't suggest it." Smiling smugly, he added, "you look like a clown anyway with that make-up." He concluded his comment with a laugh.

Kai uttered a deep animalistic growl. "It's not make-up."

Tala, unfazed by Kai's attempts to scare him continued on with his explanation. "In addition, you can take them to the park. Walk them to the beach. Have a tea party…or whatever the fuck you think is best. Anyway," Tala raised a third finger, "eliminate them. Now, I don't mean waste them. What I mean is simply eliminate their stupidity completely by completing the first two e's. Do you understand?" Tala asked, serious now. Despite all the praise and fan-mail, the Blitzkreig Boys weren't very smart nor were they that cool. In Tala's eyes anyway. Of course, he was perfect. Or as close to perfect as you could get. He had to make sure Kai understood his explanation.

"What if they ignore me?" Kai asked then sighed. He had resigned himself to his future job. There was no point in arguing with Tala over it. "Do I punch them?"

Tala flashed him the thumbs up. He was learning quickly. "Yep, if they still refuse to listen to you, send them to me." A malicious glint flashed in Tala's eyes confirming Kai's suspicions that Tala was indeed a psychopath.

"What about Bryan? You haven't mentioned him yet." Kai said.

"Oh yes…dear Bryan, what should I do? Hmmm…I think setting Bryan on a blind-date should prove to be quite entertaining…heh heh heh…" he cackled evilly, "I know just the girl for him."

Kai rolled his eyes. "She's not a homicidal psychopath like you is she?" he asked sarcastically.

Tala shot him a glare. "Why would I do such a thing?" he rolled his eyes, "I'm not that cruel. The chick I chose is actually a very pleasant person. Kind, quiet, nurturing and fairly easy-going." Kai almost fell over from shock. Tala? Choosing an easy-going girl? Amazing. "Her name is Katie. She's pretty hot too" he concluded as if looks were the most important quality a person could have.

"Is she a blader?" asked Kai surprising himself. He didn't think handling a civil conversation with Tala could be so easy. To think he wanted to rip Tala's heart out several minutes ago.

Tala shook his head. "Nah, she doesn't blade." After a brief pause he said, "She's a cheerleader." Kai couldn't help it. He threw his head back and let out a deep laugh which sounded quite similar to Santa's, 'ho, ho, ho!' "Careful. That sounded like the mating call of a hyena" warned Tala.

Kai glared. "Ha ha, very funny."

"I know right?" Tala grinned. He loved messing with Kai's head. Actually, he enjoyed messing with anyone's head. It was all fun and games as he saw it. And if someone got hurt in the process? Even better – more amusement for his sick, perverted mind.

"So erm…what do we do now?" questioned Kai, twiddling his thumbs. "I'm bored." He added in a whining tone. God, you'd think he was five years old or something.

Tala frowned, confused and startled by Kai's sudden change in personality. "What happened to emo Kai?" he asked Kai who, in return, rose an eyebrow. "I mean, you were very reluctant to accept me before and now you're welcoming me with open arms?" he added, curious to know about Kai's sudden change of heart.

Kai sighed. "I've just accepted that this is the direction we're headed in. Who knows? Maybe we'll bond as a team." He concluded. "This might actually be fun." He said with a grin.

"Wow…now that's freaky," Tala stated, "you…smiling…unbelievable."

"As I said, I've accepted the turn of events. Instead of fighting an uphill battle, I'm going to cruise along and go with the flow in the direction the currents take me."

"Shut up Kai. You're scaring me…" Tala trailed off as a new figure waltzed into the room. "Hello Spencer," said Tala spotting the tall, dirty blonde haired figure, "how are you?"

Spencer turned to face Tala and Kai. "Hello. Me be good," he stated simplistically, "what we do this morning?"

Tala gazed up at the clock. Nine thirty AM. "We're heading to the shops. We're going to stock up on alcohol, porn magazines and good junk food. Oh and maybe some new CD's too. Come on, let's go find lazy ass Bryan and the midget." With that said, Tala lead the way to Bryan's room. Strangely enough, Ian was in there…jumping on the bed and laughing at a very annoyed Bryan.

"Ian…" growled Bryan, fists clenched, eyes blazing menacingly, "give me back my lollipop!"

Tala couldn't help himself. He burst out laughing at the serious expression on Byran's face. He couldn't be serious… "Goddamn you Ian!" Bryan suddenly shouted. With a loud 'HRRR!' he threw himself at Ian and began punching him repeatedly. "I want my lollipop you son of a bitch!" he raged. Completely oblivious to Tala and Kai's watchful eyes, Bryan proceeded in grabbing Ian in a headlock before aiming a well-placed punch to Ian's stomach. "Had enough?!" Bryan screamed angrily. What sounded like, 'yes Bryan' left Ian's lips. Satisfied, Bryan snatched his lollipop and turned around to come face-to-face with a very amused Tala and a surprised Kai. "What?"

"Bashing Ian up?" asked Tala, "that's not very nice." He said in a mocking tone.

Bryan glared. "What would you know about being nice?" he spat.

Tala flashed him a grin. "More than you think." He responded brightly, "anyway, I came to get you."

Bryan rolled his eyes and scratched his head. "Uh huh…for what, target practice?" he responded sarcastically with a roll of the eyes.

"Careful Bryan," warned Tala, "keep rolling your eyes and they may never come back down again."

Bryan ignored Tala's latest comment. "So…we just gonna stand here and trade insults?"

"As much as I'd love to…no, we're shopping. As I've already told Kai, we are heading to the shops to stock up on alcohol, porno magazines and good junk food and possibly, some new CD's" explained Tala like he was talking to a five year old child. Turning his gaze to Ian who was on the floor moaning loudly, he added, "you too Ian." He turned to Kai. "I'll meet you downstairs, out the front gate." With a dismissive wave of his hand, Tala headed back down the stairs to start the car up. Technically, he wasn't old enough to drive unsupervised but who cared anyway? Certainly not Tala.

* * *

Review, I like reviews!!!


	3. Manly Hugs and Other Masculine Things

**Chapter Three: Manly Hugs and Other Masculine Things**

"Ian! Please stop wagging your eyebrows!" Tala screamed from the driver's seat.

"Bryan! Move your fucking arm out of my face!" Kai shouted, squashed in between Bryan and Spencer.

"You want me to move my arm?" Bryan raged back. "Move your arm first and I'll consider it."

"Why don't you just seat in the front next to Tala?" Ian asked, stretched out on the laps of Bryan, Kai and Spencer.

"I can't," whined Kai. "Tala reserved the front seat for his imaginary hot girlfriend. Ow!" Kai yelped as Spencer's elbow dug into his right rib.

Tala fixed the mirror to focus on the backseat. It was a very amusing scene – Kai was squashed in between Bryan and Spencer with random limbs sticking into him like a voodoo doll, Bryan's face was pushed up against the window and Spencer's head was being driven into the back of Tala's seat. "Hey fuckers!" Tala shouted, voice laced with amusement, "Shut your fucking holes!"

"You fucking shut up!" Bryan yelled back. "You have room to move…we don't."

Tala shook his head. Children. Reaching down to the CD player, he switched the ON button and patiently waited for the machine to turn on. It was a little bit slow due to its age.

"_Show me how to lie,_

_You're getting better all the time,_

_And turning all against the one,_

_Is an art that's hard to teach,_

_Another clever word,_

_Sets off an unsuspecting herd,_

_And as you step back into time,_

A mob jumps to their feet," sung Tala. Reaching down again, he turned the VOLUME button clockwise.

"_Now dance, fucker, dance,_

_Man he never had a chance,_

_And no one ever knew,_

_It was really only you."_ Tala proceeded in adding actions to his singing which consisted of continuously bobbing his head to the beat and tapping the steering wheel with his left hand.

"Um…Tala?" Kai asked cautiously, "What song is this?"

Tala started bobbing his head and shouted in the mirror, "_You're Gonna Go Far Kid_ by _the Offspring_. Fucking great song!" Tala commented loudly. "What do you fuckers listen to?" Tala added.

Bryan decided to rejoin the conversation and helpfully said, "Spencer likes _Vengaboys _and _Steps_. Ian jams out to the sounds of chattering squirrels. Kai likes _Three Days Grace_ and _Linkin Park_ and I like…well actually Kai and I listen to the same stuff," explained Bryan hoping to be useful.

"Uh huh," was Tala's response. How thoughtful. Moments of silence passed by quickly and soon, after a car ride worthy of Hell, the boys found themselves at the Great Mall, which ironically, wasn't that great. "Okay, out of the car bitches!" Tala ordered in his best commanding voice. Quickly, he hopped out of the car and looked back to see if his friends had made it. After much struggle, Bryan, Kai, Spencer and Ian climbed out the car unscathed. "Let's go." Silently, they followed Tala to the entrance of the Great Mall when Kai decided to start a conversation which really, was quite odd as Kai did not like talking.

"Where do you want us to go?"

Tala pointed at Coles. "In there. Buy food. Bryan, you come with me. Spencer and Ian…you go with Kai," he said. He didn't trust the two morons alone. They could get lost.

Kai turned to face Tala, a thoughtful expression on his face. "Is there anything in particular you want us to buy?" Kai asked. "Or should we purchase anything we want?"

"Anything you want…just don't forget the food," said Tala. "Piece of advice before you go: Don't buy anything I wouldn't."

Kai shook his head. What was something Tala wouldn't buy? A frying pan and two eggs perhaps?

"So," Tala spoke again handing out pockets of cash, "take this. One hundred dollars each," he turned to face Spencer and shook his head. "Not you big-boy. Kai's looking after yours."

Ian peered up with big, brown eyes and pouted cutely. "What about me?" Ian asked cutely. "Do I get some cash to burn too?"

Tala sneered. "Fuck no! I'd rather be caught with my pants down in the middle of a crowded mall in a Santa suit than give cash to you." For interested readers, dressing up in a Santa suit is Tala's worst fear. "So Kai," said Tala fixing his intense gaze on Kai, "take care of them. I'll meet you back at home at around five pm. 'Kay?"

Kai nodded. "Yeah…got a question though…how am I supposed to get home?" Kai asked, arms spread out before him.

Tala frowned in response. "Catch a taxi?" Tala stated as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Kai shot him a look that read, 'get-fucked'. "I was being serious!" Tala responded, slightly hysterical. "I don't give a shit about 'I'm scared of taxi drivers' crap okay Kai? You can walk for all I care!" Tala shouted. "But I wouldn't suggest it…you might get raped." Kai raised his eyebrows. Tala tilted his head to the side. "You might get mistaken for a girl with that make-up on," he flashed Kai a grin and chuckled at the hateful look on Kai's face.

"I hate you," he said through gritted teeth.

Tala chuckled. "Yeah and I love you too," he chuckled again. "Screwing with you is so much fun Kai," he waved a hand in the air. "You take everything way too seriously. Loosen up a little. You might find life a little more enjoyable," explained Tala like he was very wise. "Anyway, Bryan and I have drinks to buy and hot chicks to purchase. See you 'round!" Kai shook his head watching Tala and a sulky Bryan leave the parking lot rather quickly. With a sigh and a jerk of his head, he motioned for Spencer and Ian to follow him.

.

Flicking through a magazine with the title, 'Crosswords – Not for the Faint-Hearted' printed on the cover, Bryan debated with himself whether or not he should ask Tala if could buy it. Yeah, he had cash of his own but he didn't want Tala throwing anything out he didn't approve of. He feared the homicidal-maniac in the disguise of a good looking Russian teenager would laugh and make some crude comment about him being a nerd. It would be so typical of a homicidal-manic in a disguise of a good looking teenager to make crude insults.

He felt a tap on the shoulder and without thinking, let out a shrill, high-pitched scream. Horrified, he spun around to face the offender. Embarrassment flooded him. "Oh..." he said weakly, "it's you."

A mocking, hurtful expression crossed Tala's face. "You make it sound like you're repulsed to see me," he remarked wiping an invisible tear away form his eye. "You hurt my feelings."

Bryan resisted the strong, overwhelming urge to punch his smug face in. But instead, he maintained his cool and showed Tala the, 'Crosswords – Not for the Faint-Hearted' book. "Can I buy this?" Bryan asked as calmly as he could. "I like puzzles," he added sheepishly.

Bringing a hand to his chin, he made an 'I-just-sucked-on-a-lemon' look, looked thoughtful, and said, "Sure, why not?" Tala shrugged. Crosswords might come in handy in torturing his teammates. He could picture it now – Kai, Bryan, Spencer and Ian doing crossword puzzles whilst he sat on a comfortable sofa drinking his holy Vodka, laughing at them. Yes, things were starting to look up.

"So Tala," said Bryan, eyes darting around curiously, "where are these…porn," he shuddered like the word 'porn' was a very bad word to say, '…magazines?"

"In the adult section. If you walk past the gardening and pottery section, you'll find the porn magazines. Grab a copy of each magazine. There should be four," explained Tala.

Bryan shot him a fearful glance. He had to touch them? "I was under the impression you would be buying them," said Bryan.

"Are you scared Bryan?" Tala asked, mockingly. "I can hold your hand if you are afraid," he jeered with a wink. Sticking out his hand to Bryan, he added, "it'll be okay Bryan," he said amusingly. "Tala is here to protect you."

Bryan threw his hands up in the air. "Okay, okay! I'll go and get them!" Bryan exclaimed loudly. "I'll just make my way over." Head hanging down, Bryan sloppily trudged over to the adult section. Tilting his head up, he let his eyes scan the covers before reluctantly, reaching out to grab a magazine with a woman scantily dressed. "I can't believe I'm doing this…" he muttered under his breath.

An elderly man with a big, bushy mustache reached out to grab the same magazine. "Looking for something to jack off too?" The man asked, his voice laced with amusement.

Bryan's eyes widened. "No no!" Bryan stuttered hysterically. "It's not for me! It's for my friend you see, he likes-" Bryan glanced around the newsagent looking for a certain red-haired blader.

The old man laughed. "Don't worry son. It's one of the joys about going through puberty," he laughed again much to Bryan's disgust. "I remember when I just read my first porn magazine. I was thirteen, you see, I was a late bloomer, and what a joy it was to-" he trailed on with his talk.

Bryan shuddered again and darted his eyes around newsagent once again looking for some sign of Tala. He was going to throttle him as soon as he found him. Bryan quickly snagged some more magazines and hurried over to the counter to pay. To his surprise, Tala stood by the counter chatting to a girl with long brown, slightly red, coloured hair. Tala acknowledged Bryan with a nod. "How's it going Bryan?"

Bryan grimaced. "Not good I'm afraid. Some dirty, old geezer blabbered on about his life story…" he shuddered again. Terrible times.

"Uh huh," commented Tala looking uninterested. "Anyway, meet Katie Henderson. Katie, this is Bryan."

Bryan turned to face the girl standing next to Tala…and was blown away by what he saw. He had never been into perving like Tala, but he could stare at this girl all day. He suppressed the immediate urge to run his hands through his silky strands of hair and press his lips against hers. He mentally slapped himself for having such thoughts. He was meant to be a cold and heartless blader not a love sick puppy dog fantasizing about the opposite sex. _Ah well,_ he thought, _least I'm not fantasizing about a guy._

Tala glanced down at the magazines and grinned. "So…buying porn magazines Bryan?"

"You told me to buy them!" Bryan defended, blushing furiously. He had never blushed before in his life and he had to start now!

Tala gave Katie a sideways glance. "He's very insecure." Turning back to Bryan he added, "Its okay Bryan to be horny and alone at night."

It took all his willpower not to strangle Tala. "Tala…" Bryan said threateningly through clenched teeth, "…shut up."

"So Bryan, what do you think of Katie?" Tala asked, changing the subject.

Bryan was taken off guard. "She's…" Bryan fixed his gaze on Katie's face. Honey brown orbs locked on Bryan's eyes which caused a fuzzy feeling rise inside him. "She's very pretty," he concluded, breathing slowly. He wished the ground would eat him.

"Aw, isn't that sweet?" Tala said, his words dripping with sarcasm. "I'm going to leave you two to talk. I'm sure you'll enjoy each others' company." With a snicker, Tala walked out the store and automatically, headed in the direction of the drinks store.

Now alone, Bryan clambered for conversation starters to break the ice. "That Tala, always joking around," said Bryan lightly, trying very hard to make interesting conversation. "Heh heh," he nervously giggled.

Katie flashed him a smile showing her perfect, straight, white teeth. _Aw, _she thought, _Poor guy, being tortured by Tala. _"So," she said, "porno magazines huh?"

Bryan clenched his fist. "Damn Tala," he cursed.

Katie patted him on the shoulder. "Tala's a dick I know," she offered sympathetically. She had been through tough times with Tala before. "Trust me, I know," she said at Bryan's confused expression.

"How?" Bryan stuttered. "Do you have a history with him or something?"

Katie nodded. "It's very confusing," she said, "but I'll try my best to explain. Okay, I know Tala indirectly through my best friend Selene. Selene has a cousin named Oliver."

"Oliver? As in Oliver Polanski, the French Pansy?" Bryan asked.

Katie nodded again, a movement which caused a strand of hair to cover her eyes. Flicking it away she continued. "Correct. Oliver doesn't know though as he was told by his parents Selene had died in a car crash several years after she was born. They didn't want to leave him traumatized. Anyway, Oliver's friend, Enrique, went out with two girls; Bianca and Rosette. Little did he know though, Rosette was secretly dating Tala Valkov," she shook her head, "he still doesn't know."

After absorbing this pile of information, Bryan opened his mouth to speak again. "So…how did you meet Tala?"

"Oh…he's a friend of mine. Selene introduced me to him after telling me all about him."

"And you didn't tell me this at the start because…?" Bryan trailed off. Katie wasn't making any sense to him.

"I thought I'd explain everything," Katie said, a little confused. "Or do you think I'm boring?" Katie asked, anger growing in her voice.

Bryan trembled. Katie was starting to scare him. "You are a very interesting individual," he responded as if he were a robot, "I would like to hear more of your life story."

Katie blushed. "Aw, you're so sweet!"

"Heh heh," chuckled Bryan nervously. Under his breath he added, "Tala…get your ass back here now…"

Katie's honey brown eyes flashed maliciously. "Did you call for Tala?"

"Are you a mind reader? …Erm, I mean-" stuttered Bryan. Feeling very foolish, Bryan suddenly blurted out, "I want to go home!" Very loudly in fact. Embarrassment welled up inside him as his brain registered what he had just shouted out. The urge to drop to his knees, bury his head into his hands and cry hysterically was far too overwhelming to ignore.

"Hey!" A gruff voice yelled nearby. "You there," the main shouted, pointing at Bryan. "Are you going to pay for those magazines?"

Bryan looked up and then lowered his gaze to the magazines now lying on the floor. Wiping his tears, he quickly picked up the magazines and hurried over to the counter that was just several inches away. "Sorry," he sniffed, "it's been a hard day," he added with a whimper.

The guy at the counter glared in response. "You gonna hand over the cash cry-baby?"

Bryan bit his bottom lip. He really did not want to bust out into tears again. Once was enough. "Here you go," he said, handing over the money. The man grunted in reply. Seconds later, Bryan walked out the shops, flushing a very deep shade of red. He resembled a tomato…not that anyone would tell him that. He was going to kill Tala…once he found him of course.

.

Kai ran his intense gaze over the shelves. "Now," he said aloud to himself, "where are the two moronic nincompoops hiding?" Kai giggled. "Nincompoops."

A woman walking by shook her head sadly. "Poor young dear."

"Over here Kai!" Ian shouted. "Spencer is with me too," he called out.

Kai looked at the shelf once more and grabbed a stuffed toy chicken before following the sound of Ian's voice. He soon found Spencer and Ian gazing lovingly at a _Barney and Friends _picture. Why a picture of _Barney and Friends _was in the shops was beyond him. Perhaps it was one of those colouring-in competitions. Yes, that sounded plausible. "What are you looking at?"

"Barney. He be the purple dinosaur of the t.b." Spencer explained helpfully. "He be my hero."

"I figured," muttered Kai sarcastically. "I thought you idolized Humpty Dumpty?" Kai said.

"Oh, by the way Spencer, it's t.v."

"Huh?"

"Nevermind." Kai shook his head. _Never_, he thought, _try to explain anything to Spencer. _"You are too stupid." A pull at his baggy pants caused Kai to lower his gaze from Spencer. "What is it Ian?" Kai asked, mildly agitated.

"Can you buy this toy squirrel?" Ian asked, pouting cutely like he always did when he wanted something.

Kai sighed. "How much is it?"

"Fifteen dollars,"

Kai's pupils widened. "What the fuck? Fifteen dollars?" Kai yelped. "I'm not buying a stupid squirrel. We came here to buy food, not stuffed animals."

"Please!" Ian begged. "I won't ask for anything else."

Kai sighed again. "Alright, alright. I'll buy the damn furry squirrel," he grumbled. "Spencer, what do you want?"

Spencer pointed to the shelf where a furry pinecone lay. "Me want cute pinecone."

"Okay…" said Kai, "what do you think Bryan and Tala would like?"

"Toy squirrels!" Ian chirped. "Then I'll have the full set!"

Kai grimaced. "I think I'll go for the toy wolf and falcon," he said to himself.

"What about you Kai?" Ian asked.

Kai coughed nervously. "Uh…I don't buy toys," he said, quickly hiding the chicken behind his back.

Ian walked behind him. "A toy chicken!"

"It's not a chicken! It's a phoenix!" Kai shouted, earning a few glances from passing shoppers.

Ian looked at the chicken thoughtfully. "Looks like a chicken, smells like a chicken and-" Ian squeezed the bird to create a loud clucking noise, "-it even sounds like a chicken. Therefore, it must be a chicken!" Ian concluded feeling very smart.

Kai prepared to counter-argue with Ian about the smell but thought against it. Instead, he grabbed the wolf and falcon off the shelves. "Let's pay and leave." With that said, Spencer and Ian followed Kai like a duckling follows its mother. After paying, Kai led his ducklings to the taxi area. "Blitzkrieg Boys," Kai told the Indian driver, "it's located on street BBA. It's the big, blue building with the Jacaranda tree in the front yard." The driver nodded nad loaded the shopping bags into the back of the cab. Spencer and Ian climbed into the backseat while Kai jumped into the front. _Well at least that's over with, _Kai thought, _ah shit! I forgot to buy food! _He considered telling the driver to drop him off at the local supermarket but decided against it. _Fuck it. We'll just order pizza…speaking of pizza, I wonder how Tala and Bryan are?_

.

"So…what do you think of Katie?" Tala asked Bryan.

Bryan shot Tala an angry glare. "You could've warned me. She's a raving nutcase who speaks a load of gibberish!"

Tala looked at Bryan, a serious expression in his eyes. "PMShast beng hain PMSin Hmmut n he ag ainutca ayou you PMSin astcay?"

Bryan blinked. "What the fuck Tala?"

Tala sighed. "Oh, I thought you understood gibberish," he said. "What I said was this; she must have been PMSing again."

"Pre-Menstrual Syndrome?" Bryan offered.

Tala gave him a disappointed glance. "No, you bag of douche. Psychotic Mad-Woman Syndrome," explained Tala like it was very obvious. "It happens every now and then. Today was your unlucky day."

"Tell me about it," he sniffed. "I've never felt so humiliated before in my life!" Bryan exclaimed. "I want to go home!" Bryan added sulkily.

Tala raised his eyebrows to express confusion. "If you want to talk about it…" he paused, waiting for Bryan's reaction.

Bryan scowled. "Can we not talk about it?"

"I think a manly hug is in order," said Tala moving closer to Bryan. Before Bryan could voice a complaint, Tala clapped his arms around Bryan, then shied apart, coughing nervously. In case you haven't noticed, the average man-hug, although both rare and totally awkward, is fascinating to watch. Both participants are trying to touch as little of each other as possible, and there is a lot of nervous coughing. "Yeah…" Bryan said gruffly, "that was…uh…manly…"


	4. The man with the pointy beard

**Title:** Hormonal Guys and Bitchy Girls

**Author: **Lazy Chick (not really, it's Glitteredvixon06's work)

**Title: **Hormonal Guys and Bitchy Guys

**Fandom:** Beyblade

**Disclaimer: **Guess what? I don't Beyblade and therefore, you can't sue me. I also don't own the first 6 chapters or something of this story, glitteredvixon06 does.

**Rating:** T

**Genre:** Drama/ humour

**Summary:** A new law made by Stanley Dickenson, sees all bladers to unite with their teams by sharing a house. Tala Valkov, shares his house with the other Blitzkrieg Boys as they prepare to overcome the obstacles of life such as love, faith, friendship and the value of teamwork.

**Thanks To:** Glitteredvixon06 for writing this chapter.

**Chapter 4:** The Man with the Pointy-Beard

Some would say his hair resembled the golden mane of a lion. Others would happily point out his hair made him anything but an object to be desired. And those who boasted they did not fear death had the nerve to call him a freak.

Rubbing his temples, the man with the mane of a lion, slowly made his way to his hammock which was situated near the lake. Little did he know he was being watched by a pair of curious hazel eyes.

"Hi Lee," said a girl with pink hair that would make candy floss jealous. "How are you this morning?"

Lee sighed. Not another interruption. "I'm fine Mariah," he answered lazily, "just heading to my hammock." Lee kicked himself mentally for mentioned the hammock. Knowing Mariah, she would pester him with questions about Ray. For the love of God, could she not see Ray didn't give a rat's ass and two cans of beans about her? Was she really that blind? Apparently yes.

Mariah grinned. "Can I hang out with you Lee?" Mariah asked sweetly.

Lee narrowed his eyes. Did she think him a fool? "Don't you have anything better to do?" Lee asked, somewhat annoyed. "I want to relax," he added at the shocked expression on her face.

Anger flashed in her hazel eyes. "Are you implying that I'm annoying?"

Lee raised his hands in defence. "No, no! What I meant to say was…" A blank expression took hold of his features. What did he mean to say? Not wanting to stall for time, Lee sputtered out the best excuse he could offer. "Erm…why hang out with me when you can hang out with Ray?" Lee laughed nervously, to ease tension as he waited to see Mariah's reaction.

The anger, once evident in her eyes, now faded to be replaced with joy. "Really?" Mariah asked happily, throwing her arms around him. "I can hang out with Ray, my beloved?"

Lee fought back a sigh and nodded. "Of course," he said with mock sincerity, "Ray would love to have you around for company." Silently he added, because no-one else does.

"Thanks Lee! You're the greatest!" Like he hadn't heard that one before. "Bye Lee!"

"Thank God," muttered Lee under his breath. "She's gone."

"Why did you thank God?" A confused voice asked.

Lee jerked his head in the direction of the speaker "Oh god…" he mumbled. "Could this get any worse?"

A male with jet-black spiky hair and a dopey expression on his face, strolled up to Lee casually with some kinda weird strut. "So, who is God? Is he your imaginary friend?" The male asked, running a hand through his soft, silky, sleek black hair.

Lee suppressed the urge to spit in his hair. How, he found himself thinking, how on earth is it a moronic turd like Ray, can have perfect hair when a decent guy such as himself, can't? "No…" Lee responded curtly. "God is a powerful entity."

"Huh?" Came Ray's simple reply.

Lee shook his head. "Never mind…"

Ray's eyes suddenly lit up with newfound joy. "Hey Lee! Can we see pointy-beard today? I want to show him my pet rock!" Ray exclaimed happily, throwing a small, gray rock at Lee.

Lee lowered his intense gaze to the rock. The words, 'Pet Rock,' were written on it with a red felt-tip pen. "Your pet rock is called, 'Pet Rock'?"

Ray flashed Lee a toothy grin. "Uh huh, isn't that awesome?"

Lee shook his head again. Ray had the intellect of a five year old. "What does your pet rock do?" Lee asked, trying to be kind.

Lifting a finger, Ray simply said, "he doesn't do anything…but he keeps me company."

Poor Ray, thought Lee, I wonder what it feels like to have an empty mind? "Erm…yes, we can see Pointy Beard," said Lee. "Take my hand Ray," Lee added, holding out his hand to Ray. With no sound, Ray grabbed Lee's hand and squeezed it tightly. "Ouch!" Lee yelped. "Could you not squeeze my hand so tightly?"

"Sorry Lee," said Ray meekly as he relaxed his grip. "I'm scared that's all," he admitted.

Lee gave him a stony, calculating gaze. "Of what exactly?" Lee asked, sounding bored. "The Boogie Monster?"

Ray shuddered and darted his eyes back and forth. "Where?" Ray asked fearfully. "Where is the Boogie Monster?"

God, he wished he could punch Ray…wait a minute, he thought, it's not like there's any laws holding me back so…without wasting another thought, he balled his fist and directed a punch right at Ray's face. "Ouch!"

Lee felt an odd feeling of satisfaction well up inside him. "God that felt good." I should do that more often, he concluded thoughtfully.

"Who is God?" Ray asked, clutching his nose. "You're imaginary friend?"

Lee sighed. "We've been through this Ray…he's an all-powerful entity." Lee sighed again. Why was he trying to explain himself to Ray again? "Are we going to see the village elder or not?"

Ray jumped up and down, his body full of energy. "Pointy-Beard!" Ray happily exclaimed.

"Yes Ray, Pointy-Beard." Lee wondered why Ray nicknamed the village elder as Pointy-Beard. Although…now that he thought about it…he did have a rather pointy beard.

"Do you think he'll take a liking to Pet Rock?" Ray asked suddenly.

"Err…yeah, I'm sure he'll be ecstatic to see it," he answered sarcastically. Lee wasn't normally the sarcastic type but he had learnt a few things from watching Hollywood movies.

"Will Mariah be coming?" Ray asked, stroking his pet rock. "She might want to meet Pet Rock."

Lee shook his head again for what felt like the hundredth time that day. "No…she's busy."

"What about Kevin? And Gary?" Ray inquired, hazel eyes watching Lee with all the curiosity of a kitten.

"Kevin's catching squirrels for his squirrel farm and Gary's busy juggling apples," he explained, knowing Kevin and Gary did not have the mental capacity to do anything else. Was he the only one with a brain? Apparently so.

"Um Lee…I have a question," asked Ray.

"Another one?" Lee sighed. "What is it?"

"I heard Mariah talking about pregnancy," explained Ray. "What does pregnancy mean?"

A blush appeared on his tan cheek. "Erm…are you sure she said pregnancy and not something else?" God, he hoped Mariah hadn't taken advantage of Ray. If she had…He tightened his jaw. If she had, there was nothing he could to but cry. And crying wasn't something he made a habit of. He had to know. "Uh…Ray…did Mariah do anything to you in the recent months?" He had to tread carefully here.

Looking thoughtfully up at the sky, Ray said, "not that I know of. She did however explain the uses of a toilet. And she introduced me to the kids show, _Blue Clues,_" offered Ray helpfully. "Is that what you meant?"

Lee let out a relieved sigh. Thank God for that. Mariah wasn't pregnant. But why did she bring it up? Or did she? Maybe Ray was hearing things again. "Are you sure she said pregnancy and not peanut?" Lee knew Ray had the tendency to get words mixed up…even if they sounded nothing alike.

"Yeah she did…can guys get pregnant?" Ray asked helpfully.

"No!" Lee snapped.

"Oh…okay…" was Ray's simple response. "Hey, she also threatened to castrate any male who rejected her…what does that mean?"

Lee's pupil's widened. What on earth was Mariah talking about? And to whom? And why was Ray eavesdropping? "Erm…how do I say this? Ok…when you go the toilet, what happens? Lee asked.

"I know, I know! Pee-pee!" Ray cried out jubilantly. "Or poo-poo."

Lee stifled a groan. Ray was just…difficult. "Okay…moving away from toilet talk. Now, do you know what the testicles are for?"

Ray shook his head. "No."

"Research it later, you might surprise yourself. Now, castration is the removal of one or both of the testicles," explained Lee as calmly as he could.

Ray nodded, like he understood. "Right. Okay."

"Indeed…now please stop asking questions…we've arrived at Pointy-Beard's domain.

An odd stench filled Lee's nostrils as he and Ray entered the rather small tent. Eyes glancing around the room, Lee's eyes finally rested on the source of the stench – a homemade bottle of brew. "Nice to see you haven't stopped your…uh…experiments," said Lee carefully.

A short man with a shiny, bald head and pointy beard entered Lee's vision. "Hi grandson, hi Ray! Like me new dress?" He gave a twirl in his fancy, flowing pink dress before posing. "What do you think? A beauty right?"

Lee refused to admit they were related. "Uh…yeah, real nice."

"I want a dress too!" Ray whined. "Lee! Can I have a dress?"

"Some other time Ray, not now," said Lee. Grandfather, we need to talk."

"About what? This dress? If you want one, then all you have to do is ask!"

Lee grimaced and shook his head. "I don't think so. Ray wanted to see you and I've just decided I want to talk to you about the martial arts competition."

"Eager to begin? The competition is held in the city, right next door to the old BEGA building," he explained, now serious. "Anything else you want to know?"

Turning his back on his deranged grandfather, he said, "No. I must go. Come on Ray," he ordered and turned to face Ray. Ray was busy filling in an order form for the dress before saying his goodbyes. As the two exited the tent, Lee turned to face Ray and shook his head. "You ordered a dress?"

Nodding happily, Ray said, "yeah, I really like it."

"You're alone on that one…" Lee trailed off. "Come on, let's get out of here." And with that, Lee led Ray back towards the village centre where Ray told Mariah and other interested bystanders about Pet Rock.

Thank you for reading and don't forget to review (I'll give you cookies and cake if you do).

Thanks everyone for reviewing.


	5. Stupid Gnomes!

**Chapter Five: Stupid Gnomes!**

"Man, those garden gnomes are scary," muttered a bright-blue eyed boy with very messy yellow hair.

A tall, lanky black African-American standing next to him nodded. "Yeah, they give me nightmares," he shivered. "Should we tell Judy to get rid of them?"

The blonde boy shook his head. "I may not be the brightest crayon in the box but telling my mum to get rid of them would be a very bad idea – she loves them. Honestly," he added seriously at his friend's disbelieving expression, "she likes to dress them up. Santa hats for Christmas, witch costumes for Halloween and bunny suits for Easter!" He shook his head shamefully. "Don't even get me started on her anniversary day," he warned.

"I wasn't going to ask," the black African-American responded. The image of the gnomes dressed in white gowns scared him. Santa suits were bad enough but gnomes dressed up as brides? Not a good image. "So…what's the plan for today Max?"

Max looked up to face his friend. He was several heads taller than himself. It just wasn't fair. Why did his mother have to marry a midget for a father?

"Why did my mother have to marry a midget for a father?" Max asked aloud. Embarrassment coloured his cheeks. "Oops," he said, blushing. "Didn't mean to say that," he added.

"You're father is not a midget."

Max nodded. "Yes he is Eddy. My real father does not own a hobby shop nor does he sell beyblades." A thoughtful look crossed his usual cheery features. "My real father is a dwarf who likes singing in karaoke competitions," he explained dully. It wasn't exactly something he was proud of.

Eddy nodded. "What was your father like? And what was his name?"

"Sod Off," commented Max.

Eddy was offended. "Hey…I was just asking, no need to bite my head off!"

"No no! My father's name was Sod Off," he explained quickly. "He wasn't very smart. He thought muffins and cupcakes were completely different," he sneered at the thought. "As if," he scoffed, "everyone knows muffins and cupcakes are exactly the same."

Eddy debated with his mind whether or not he should tell Max his dwarf of a father was correct – muffins were different from cupcakes – but he decided against it. What was the point in doing that?

"Wow," was all Eddy could say. What else could he say? He didn't think saying, 'So that explains why you're so stupid," would get a warm response from Max. "Where's your mother now?" Eddy asked, changing the subject.

"With Steve and Rick buying the Crazy Frog CD," he replied.

"Ah," commented Eddy. Silence fell between the two as they continued their journey to the front door. After bypassing many gnomes, they finally arrived. Raising a hand and balling it into a fist, Eddy knocked the door. After three knocks, the door opened to reveal a short, ginger-haired girl looking up at them.

"You're back," she said, pushing her abnormally large glasses up her nose.

Eddy smiled. "Yup!"

Max simply frowned. "Hi Emily, how is everything?"

The ginger-haired girl sighed. "Badly – your rooms are terribly unclean!" She pointed a finger at Max accusingly. "You have candy wrappers all over the floor!" After insulting Max, she turned her attention to Eddy. "And you…you don't need fifty basketballs!"

"But…but they're my friends…" whimpered Eddy, tears welling up in his eyes. "They keep me company when I'm alone at night," he confessed.

"Pathetic!" Emily explained. "You should both be ashamed of yourselves!"

Max and Eddy both hung their heads low in shame. "Sorry Emily," they both mumbled, "it won't happen again."

Emily shook her head. "Cretins," she muttered to herself. "Where's Judy?"

"Shopping for Steve and Rick," replied Max.

"I'm not going to press further…" She shivered as an image of Steve and Rick's dopey faces formed in her mind.

With no warning, a loud shout calling, "EMILY!" came from upstairs jolting all three out of their thoughts.

Emily groaned and slapped a hand to her forehead. "Great…look who just woke up…" She glanced down at her watch which read 10:00AM. "…at 10 in the morning. What do you want?" Emily screamed back at equal volume causing Max and Eddy to jump.

"Make me a fuckin' cup of hot chocolate!"

"Make it yourself asshole! I'm not your personal servant!"

"I'm the captain goddammit! Now…make me a goddamn fuckin' cup of fuckin' hot chocolate!"

Emily muttered to herself. "Why Judy appointed _him _as captain is beyond me…" Head hung low she trudged into the kitchen to make a hot chocolate. By _him _she meant Michael, or as she liked to call him, 'asshole'. Why Judy chose him above her was not understandable – it wasn't logical. She was smart, independent and very organized…he was just a complete and utter jerk who enjoyed bullying his teammates. Oh, and he happened to be a self-absorbed, sarcastic, sex-obsessed cunt. One of these days, she thought as she made his hot chocolate, I'm going to get my revenge.

.

"Emily was rather mad," commented Max, his voice barely louder than a whisper.

"Isn't she always mad?" Eddy replied in much the same volume as Max.

"Maybe she's PISing," suggested Max. "I remember our teacher, Mrs. Hunsabunsivita told us at around the ages of adolescence, girls PIS a lot," said Max wisely.

"Emily must PIS a lot," Eddy stated. "She's always upset."

"It's PMS you fucking morons," said a voice belonging to a certain someone nearby.

Max and Eddy both turned to face Michael, leaning against the wall. "How did you get here so fast?" Max asked surprised. He was sure he had heard Michael yelling from upstairs several seconds ago.

Michael rolled his eyes. "Magic," he stated sarcastically.

Max's eyes widened with adoration. "I didn't know you were a magician…could you teach me a few tricks?"

"I'm not a fuckin' magician Max," he replied annoyed. "I came down to get my cup of hot chocolate," he explained. Eyes narrowed he added, "Where have you been?"

"Looking at gnomes," explained Eddy quickly. He didn't want to tell Michael that he and Max had actually gone chick-hunting. "Finding baby chickens isn't an easy thing to do," he added nervously not knowing he had spoken his thoughts aloud.

"I thought you were looking at gnomes?" Michael asked, eyeing Eddy curiously. "Wait…you were out chick-hunting again weren't you?"

Eddy nodded. There was no denying it. "…yes…" Michael opened his mouth to reply with some snide comment, when Emily waltzed back into the room, holding a cup of hot chocolate in her hand.

"Here's your chocolate my _Lord,_" she said mockingly.

"About time," he commented, taking the cup from Emily.

Emily forced a happy smile. "Glad I could be of assistance," she said with fake sincerity. "Is there anything else I can do?"

"You can leave," ordered Michael pointing towards the front door. Emily glared, flipped him the bird, but did as he ordered and exited the house. Max and Eddy exchanged glances, wondering whether or not they should say something – they didn't want Emily to leave. Sure, Emily was rather quite intimidating for a short squirt but they'd rather be left in a room alone with Emily than Michael. Who knew what he had in mind? Fearfully, they waited anxiously…

.

Emily stomped out the front door, angrily kicking gnomes out of her way. It took all her willpower not to grab something, head back inside and ram it hard where the sun don't dare shine. That would teach him a lesson, she thought. "What we need is another girl around the place…someone who can help keep the guys in line…maybe I'll give Judy a call…yeah, that would be a good idea," she said aloud to herself, not caring for the fact she was talking to herself. Digging into her coat's pocket, she pulled out her pink mobile phone, dialed Judy's number, brought the phone to her ear and waited patiently for Judy to answer. "Hey Judy, look, I was wondering if I could discuss something of importance with you."

"What would that be?"

Here it goes, she thought. "We need another girl around the place. Someone who can help me keep the boys in line…or more specifically, keep Michael in line. I know what you're going to say Judy, and no, I won't stop complaining because you're too blind to see what actually goes on. He needs help Judy, he's out of control. He does what he wants at the expense of others," explained Emily. Taking a deep breath in she added, "it's for the best."

"So…you want him to see a psychiatrist?"

Emily sighed. "Not exactly," But one could help, she thought. "…no, he needs someone of equal level. Someone who won't stand for his never-ending supply of insults," said Emily. She wondered if rehearsing her speech would've been better. Ah well, no backing out now, she thought.

"And you think a girl would help?"

"Yes…and it would be great if there was another girl on the team Judy. Sometimes, there are certain issues I can't talk to a guy about," said Emily, hoping that was reason enough.

"We'll discuss this later when I arrive…with the rest of the team. Goodbye," said Judy before hanging up.

Emily cursed under her breath. "Damn Judy!" She kicked another gnome over into the dirt.


	6. Who Is The Bitch In The Relationship

**Disclaimer: **Guess what? I don't Beyblade and therefore, you can't sue me. I also don't own the first 6 chapters or something of this story, glitteredvixon06 does.

. . .

**Title: **Hormonal Guys and Bitchy Girls

**Genre: **Humour/Drama

**Rating: **T (mild sexual references, mild language…)

**Summary: **A new law made by Stanley Dickenson, sees all bladers to unite with their teams by sharing a house. Tala Valkov, shares his house with the other Blitzkrieg Boys as they prepare to overcome the obstacles of life such as love, faith, friendship and the value of teamwork.

. . .

**Chapter Six: Who Is the Bitch in the Relationship?**

Somewhere in Lord Robert's castle, a young male with lime green hair sat on a very expensive couch with a depressed look on his camouflage-painted face. "I can't take this anymore!" he shouted, sweat pouring down his camouflage-painted face. "Too much quiet!"

The elder male standing near him, also with a camouflaged-painted face turned to face him. "Shhh! All right then, what do you want to talk _quietly _about Oliver?" he asked, raking a hand through his odd purple hair.

"Mops!" Oliver's eyes brightened. "I saw this new mop in Loser Hobbies Weekly, although admittedly there weren't really many mops!" Oliver snorted. "I mean, mostly it was just pictures of girls wearing leather holding a mop, or posing with a mop. It was horrible, I mean, in half of the pictures the bottom of the mop was even cut off. CUT OFF, I tell you! Why buy a magazine of mops when all it's got is pictures of girls Robbie!" I'd be happy if the magazine had pictures of men, he thought darkly. No one knew he was gay.

'Robbie' shook his head. "I have no idea why Oliver, perhaps you could send an email to the publishers and ask them why?" Although very smart, 'Robbie' was clueless to the fact that his friend Oliver was in fact gay. "And please don't call me Robbie, it's demeaning," he added.

"But why not?" Oliver asked, turning to face his noble friend. "It's a nice name," he added, grinning.

"Oliver, we have been through this before. On no occasion are you allowed to call me 'Robbie'."

"Aw," pouted Oliver cutely. "You're such a spoilsport Robert," he said happily, lightly slapping Robert's arm.

Robert flinched but refrained from speaking. Oliver was a little quirky at times. "Oliver, there is an important matter I wish to discuss with you."

"And what would that be?"

"My parents have invited themselves over. They are due for arrival tomorrow morning," he stated bluntly. The news his parents were visiting did not fill him with excitement. In fact he was terrified. "Now," he started, his eyes glancing around the room. "Where are Jonathon and Enrique?"

Oliver shrugged. "Not sure actually. Sleeping still?"

Robert shook his head. "I don't think so…I'm going to look for them. What are you going to do?"

Oliver shrugged again and looked down at his nails. "Paint my nails I guess," he said. "Or maybe I'll play with My Little Pony," he added brightly, smiling now. "Thanks Robert! Later!" And with the blink of an eye Oliver was gone leaving Robert alone in the room.

.

A tall, blonde boy with bright, blue eyes turned to face his hot-tempered friend. "So Johnny, can I ask you something?"

Johnny arched a brow. "If you're going to ask me what one plus one equals again, I swear I will kill you," he said threateningly. "Spit it out Enrique."

Enrique darted his eyes around the room, looking for the closest exit. He had a feeling his question would kill him. "Erm…so, who is the bitch in the relationship?" Enrique asked, his bottom lip quivering with fear.

Johnny shot Enrique a confused look. "What?"

Enrique raked a hand through his hair and looked up the ceiling. "Erm, between you and Mariam. Who is the bitch?" Enrique asked, turning his attention back on his Scottish friend.

Johnny grinned, relaxing on his chair. This was an easy question.  
"Obviously, she is the bitch," he replied smugly, hands placed behind his head.

Enrique, surprised by Johnny's calm reply, decided to push his luck further. "Sure about that? Sure it's not the other way around?" he asked nervously.

"Are you calling me a bitch?" Johnny demanded, arms now crossed over his chest.

Enrique shook his head. "No, no, it's just…Mariam's not exactly girly…" he trailed off, reluctant to press on.

"You're calling my girlfriend a man?" Johnny asked, incredulously. Someone needs to go back to sex-ed classes, he thought bitterly.

"Just because you have a penis doesn't mean you wear the pants in the relationship!" Enrique blurted out, surprising himself and Johnny. "Oops," he muttered, clapping a hand over his mouth. "Didn't mean to say that, heh heh…" he giggled nervously. He was going to die. I'm so dead, he thought miserably.

Johnny glared at the taller boy, anger knotted in his features. How dare the stupid pineapple head question his manliness? "How dare you question my manliness?" Johnny shrieked. "I am a man!"

Enrique bit back a laugh. Johnny? Manly? Yeah right. "You? Manly? Keep dreamin' Johnny. Face it Johnny," said Enrique, sighing. "Real men don't play with toy mice," explained Enrique, looking at Johnny's toy mice collection on his bookshelf. "And real men don't have pink curtains," he added, pointing at the frilly, pink curtains in his room. "And finally, real men don't listen to Aaron Carter and pick flowers on most mornings. Face it Johnny, you're the bitch," concluded Enrique, a satisfied smirk crossing his lips.

Johnny wanted to wipe that stupid smirk off the stupid moron's face but he had a point, he really wasn't a good representation of a man. "Alright, alright, you win," he grumbled. He hated losing. But he did like challenges. "How do I become a man?"

Surprised, Enrique slapped himself. "Ouch!" He yelped, rubbing the reddening spot on his cheek. "That hurt," he muttered. "Why are you asking me?"

"Question, why do you slap yourself?"

"When I'm surprised, I fall into a trance…I…I need to slap myself before I'm too far gone," explained Enrique.

Johnny arched his brow. "That doesn't make any sense…okay…back onto the topic at hand…can you help me?"

Confusion, Enrique's best friend, took hold of his mind once again. "Huh?"

Johnny rolled his eyes. He might be a bitch but at least he wasn't dumb. Sighing to himself, he pointed at his pink shirt. "Can you help me become more of a man? Honestly, I don't want to wear this pink shirt for the rest of my life."

"Oh!" Enrique's eyes widened with shock. "…But how?"

It took all of Johnny's willpower not to reach up and slap him across the face. Wait, he thought. Did I just think of slapping him? No time for that now Johnny, you have a task to do! "That's why I'm asking you! I don't know how!" Johnny shouted, throwing his hands up in the air helplessly.

"Oh…okay…um,…erm, maybe you could start by dressing up like a man? You know, no skirts," he said, pointing at Johnny's kilt. "That has to go," he added. "And that shirt," Enrique wrinkled his nose in disgust. "You must ditch that frilly shirt and wear something like this!" He declared, pointing at his long-sleeved, yellow shirt.

It was Johnny's turn to criticize. "What wear that hideous shirt that looks like the colour of cat's vomit? I think not," he hissed, baring his teeth. "Besides, what's wrong with my shirt?"

"It's pink, frilly and is says, "I Kissed a Vampire," Enrique shook his head sadly. "Honestly Johnny, I know _Twilight _was a good book but that's taking obsession a little too far."

"So," Johnny sat down angrily, pouting. "What do you expect I wear? Pimp pants like that bitch Hiwatari? Or disco pants like that whore Tala? Well?" He demanded.

Scanning Johnny's floor, Enrique noticed a pile of clothing that caught his eye. "Ah ha! Wear this!"

Johnny screwed his nose up in disgust. "Shorts? I wanna wear a skirt!" he protested.

"Skirts are for ladies…and transvestites," said Enrique grimly. A visible shudder of fear ran down his spine. Bad experiences, very bad experience, he thought, shuddering.

"I've seen you wear a skirt before," said Johnny, pointing a finger at Enrique accusingly.

"That's my gladiator outfit Johnny!" Enrique said, exasperatedly. He couldn't believe he was helping Johnny in his deranged quest for manliness. "I wear that outfit to fancy dress parties! Anyway, we're discussing you…not me. You're the one with the gender issue."

"Alright, alright," replied Johnny, admitting defeat. "So, shorts it is. What about the shirt?

Enrique held up a short-sleeved blue T-Shirt in the air for Johnny to examine. "I found it on the floor."

"Ew," remarked Johnny.

"Get used to it," said Enrique, handing over the shirt. "You're a man now."

"Anything else?" Johnny asked, removing his shirt. "Want to share any more of your wisdom?" he muttered sarcastically under his breath.

"The jacket," said Enrique, handing over a rough-looking article of clothing.

"Oh, that will make me a man alright…a garbage man!" he exclaimed. "Honestly Enrique that jacket looks like it survived a tornado!" Enrique glared at him. Sighing, Johnny grabbed the jacket and put it on. "Happy?"

"Now the shorts, McGregor," said Enrique, using his best 'commanding' voice.

"In front of you?"

Enrique nodded. "There's nothing to be ashamed of…I've seen smaller."

Johnny shot him a look of both fear and anger. "What the hell? Are you gay?"

"I was joking Johnny."

With another calculating look at Enrique, Johnny decided he was joking and he proceeded to remove his skirt which he claimed was a kilt. "Wow, this feels weird."

"And finally, put this on," said Enrique, handing him a blue bandana. "It'll help keep your messy carrot-shaped hair up."

"Rather a carrot than a pineapple any day," commented Johnny, quietly. Luckily, Enrique didn't hear him. He was too busy looking through his CD collection.

"Backstreet Boys? Duran Duran? Aaron Carter? Nikki Webster? What the hell? You need better music…and I know just the person!"

Johnny rolled his eyes. "Who would that be?" He drawled, thinking Enrique would go visit his girlfriends.

"Oh, you'll see," teased Enrique, eyes flashing maniacally. "I'll be back soon! Don't go far!"

As Enrique skipped out the room, Johnny looked upwards. "Where am I going to go? The moon? He cast his gaze back down again, laughing at his joke. "Ah, that was a good one." Giggling to himself, he randomly started tap-dancing.

.


End file.
